Hi All. It has been 7 months since I posted, and I dont know how the time passed so quickly. I have just been so busy getting my life back on track. Things are going well.

The job I interviewed for, I got. I moved in to my new place 10/1/2007. It's a townhouse, that is 8 minutes from my new job!! I am getting the last pieces of my furniture from storage this weekend. My new life is in full swing.

Not much else has changed with the family. Baby sister is still having addiction issues. My mother has her 1 year wedding anniversary dinner on May 2nd, and I agreed to cater it for her. Baby brother, had his newborn son in October, and is getting married July 5th. I have also been summoned to cater the wedding reception.

I am finally able to breathe a little easier. I love my new job. I love the people I work with, they are genuine. I start Spanish lessons this week, and am trying to plan a trip to Vegas for my b-day. I went to Vegas for my b-day 2007, and had a blast!! My first visit. It will be an annual ritual. We stayed at the Venetian, and shopped, and just partied the nights away. I went with my sister-in-law, my cousin, and one of their friends. All our b-days were in October.

I plan to catch up this weekend on all the blogs, and will probably be sharing my comments. Many a day it was the blogstream family that helped me keep my sanity.

Agape,

Camille

Hi all. Haven't written in a bit. Well, where to start? My nephew, Habib's (names have been changed to protect the innocent)uncle who was in the hospital for a gunshot to the head, passed away a couple of Saturday's ago. The funeral was HELL on us all. Brought back so many memories of my brother. Especially my nephew, as his dad just passed 2 years ago. Well, I went to Dallas to visit my grandmother on Wednesday of the week of the funeral. I knew I had to be back by Saturday for the funeral.

My grandmother was probably in the worst shape I have ever seen her. I sent her a huge bouquet, and balloons to try and cheer her up. But once I arrived, I realized nothing was going to help her. She was so tired, and in excruciating pain. She wouldn't let me even wipe her face or comb her hair. At that point her physician of 10 years explained that she had gotten an infection in her knee replacement, and it had spread to her bloodstream and spine. With all her health issues (pace maker, congestive heart failure, kidney failure from the morphine) the main priority was just making her comfortable. So I cried my heart out, and me and my dad just told them to make her comfortable. I went in to rub her face, and sing to her, and she did open her eyes, and smile at me. She said, "so pretty". And that was about it. My dad said she hadn't smiled for the week she had been there. The rest of the time she was incoherent, and obviously in pain. One of the escorts that took her for a bone scan, actually turned out to be one of my cousins!!

Well, I got back home Friday night, and went to the funeral Saturday morning. After a long day, and trying to comfort my nephew, I got a call Sunday morning, that my granny had passed. I can't say I was shocked, but just hurt. This is the lady that treated me like a princess. I could do no wrong in her eyes. She lived to 93 years, and I can only wish to have that kind of life. I will miss her, but my heart could not bear seeing her in that painful and vulnerable state. I did the programs for the funeral, and transported them with me to Dallas for the funeral. It was a very nice service, and I got to see relatives I hadn't seen in 20+ years. I was glad to see them, but it was bittersweet. Granny lived with her 3 sisters for the past year, and they were so very hurt to lose her. They would have pajama parties, and when I would call and ask what they were doing, she would tell me they were calling boys and hanging up. The youngest of the sisters is in her 80's!!!

Oh, by the way, I GOT THE JOB!!!!!!!!! I was ready to move around, but I got a call the Wednesday before my grandma's funeral to offer me the job, and I took it. So now I am on my way to getting back on track. I have been working temporary for 19 months. I will be on the other side of town, but since I gotta move anyway, I will just move to that side of town. I took a week off to get it together, so this Friday is my last day here. Thanks for all the well wishes, prayers, and to my special friend for all your help. Well I guess when it rains it pours, but when HE is for you, no-one can be against you. I just keep taking one day at a time, until I can figure out What The Hell Am I Doing.....smooches to all!!
Chamillion

Hi all! I have been a bit busy, but wanted to update my blog. My nephew's uncle was shot on last Thursday, in the back of the head. He is unconscious, and in the hospital, on life support. Please pray for our family(ies). This is my brother's youngest son, and it was hard enough him losing his dad (my brother) in 2005, now his uncle most likely wont make it. He had just bought Lil Man school shoes. I know it will be hard for him, losing 2 important male figures at such an early age (4 and 7), but this just means that the rest of us will have to try all the more harder to fill in those gaps. His uncle is in his mid 20's, and although I don't have all the details, it is just so senseless. Right now, Lil Man has returned from summer vacation in Dallas with my mom and his sister, Lil Mama. Since Lil Man's family is all at the hospital all day long, he will be staying at Lil Mama's house for the next 3 weeks. I talked to her mom this morning. I have not always gotten along with my brother's children's mothers (confusing, huh), but I really am proud of how much maturity they have shown since my brother passed. She goes out of her way to make sure my brother's other 2 children are ok, just like their mom's check on her daughter. I guess some good comes out of everything. Other than that, I hope to hear about the interviews I had over the past 2 weeks. I feel blessed to have a job, but some times, it is time for a change. And that is what it feels like now. Take care, all!

I have to send a "shout out" to a very special blogger. You know, when we get all wrapped up in the insanity of our own little world, it is often hard to think of anyone but yourself. But this blogger, in the midst of their own daily challenges, took time out of their own day, to help me. And really not just help, but to put themselves out there, on my behalf. For that, I will be eternally grateful. I don't have all the bells/whistles/graphics skills, but I am so appreciative. So thanks, my dear friend, and fellow blogger. You know who you are. Love ya!!

Hi All, Happy Friday!! So glad this week is over. Had another interview Tuesday, and I am plugging along until I find soemthing permanent. Thanks to everyone for their well wishes.

Today is very rainy, and depressing here. Dragged myself into work, late of course, but at least I made it! It's hard sometimes to put your finger on one singular thing driving your feelings. During my first marriage, I had 1 miscarriage, and during my 2nd marriage, I had 2 miscarriages. While I told everyone I was ok, inside, I wasn't. After my 2nd marriage ended, I was even worse, because I had developed endometriosis, and other fertility issues. My chance at being a biological mother is probably gone now, and I wasted my youth with a loser..and lost out on the chance at being a real Mom. I know I have my step-kids still, and my nieces/nephews, those kids ALL bring me such joy. But I really was looking forward to the whole pregnancy experience. I keep telling myself that all things are divinely ordered, and if my not having my own kids makes me more available to my step-kids and nieces/nephews, then it is a reality I will have to come to grips with. Seeing as I will be 36 this year, I don't see anything major happening to drive me to be a single mom, or get invitro...so...I guess it's one of those things I will come to grips with.

Guess I am feeling a little reflective today. Life is a struggle. It's par for the course. I was talking to my mom the other day, just about mental illness (it runs in my family), and why anti depressants are the #1 drug being prescribed to women and teenagers. It finally clicked that our human body/mind/spirit was not created by God to endure the lives we now live. We were created to experience paradise conditions. But look at the world today. Makes you wanna cry...thus the overwhelming emotions we fight to overcome daily. I have shared these thoughts with a few friends, in hopes to help us all see the bigger picture. No matter how bad the experience, if you come out of it with a new bit of knowledge, then it was not for nothing. Chamillion